i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Green mimosas i think yes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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