just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
