I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
