I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
