My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize