I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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