They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think im going to throw up on grandma
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize