my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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