Kiss
Puke
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize