That's intense
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
