While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
