Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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