you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
