I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
