maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
