I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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