she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
