My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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