I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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