Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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