I should be sponsored by Trojan
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We left an ass print on the piano.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
