Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
