We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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