i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
