Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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