I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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