My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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