It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
