I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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