Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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