If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize