Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
