butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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