Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
