Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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