I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
