Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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