dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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