I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
