So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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