TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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