i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
