im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
worst night to have a conscience
it glows. i had to have it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
