Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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