Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
