I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
