You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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