i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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