Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
