Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
MIDGETS
????
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
