drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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