BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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