I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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