i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
