Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
