the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
