It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
