We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
