that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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