Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
