What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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