Can Purell be used as lube?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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