11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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