Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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