i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
