Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I am morally bankrupt
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
