You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
