I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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