We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
