We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
