So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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