Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Your cock deserves a montage
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
