I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
