We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You dont lie about slip and slides
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
