Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
