I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
