dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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