cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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