What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize