So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
