How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
