your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
