I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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