i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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