we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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