So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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