So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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