I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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